Bleakness and Bliss

It’s been such a long time since I last posted a blog here on tumblr. Sorry for the long interval, I’ve never catch up with this one. I don’t think I was busy for the past months, I think just couldn’t find time or perhaps, my thoughts got jumbled and all that making me lose patience or something. For now, the most valid reason I have is that, I forgot my password. Quite funny huh? 

The past few weeks have been a total mess. I got dumped, Gramps passed away, he’s staying at Italy for good, wasn’t completely satisfied with my block, and I screwed everything up. And now, I’m all alone here in Manila, not knowing what to do to kill time. What a pathetic little crap I am! 

You know one thing I love about staying late all night is that, you think too much about almost everything in the wee hours. That’s why I got the urge to blog just now. My thoughts have been craving to be published that’s why I’m turning them into words before they ever slipped off. 

There’s really so much that I want to share with you guys. My experiences, what I’ve been through all this summer, and I hope you don’t get bored, cause I’m gonna put all my effort into this. I’ll be taking it easily, little by little. I’m just so pumped up this evening. You know it’s not easy to make blogs, it takes a long time. (Well, maybe for me haha) So stay tuned! Thanks for reading anyways! :)

“Wala akong pakialam kung kumalat yung maling tsismis na yun sa buong barangay! Wala akong pakialam kasi I know myself. I know na hindi yun totoo. Bahala kayo kung ano gusto niyong sabihin, dedma lang ako. I’ve been doing good all my life. I study hard and I respect people. I know I am well-educated by my parents. So you can’t just pull me down. Ayoko lang na nakarating sa tatay ko yung issue na di naman totoo. It hurts him so badly and I’m hurt too. I hope you can understand na mahirap mag-earn ng trust ng parents, lalo na sa Manila ako ng-aaral. SO STOP THIS SHIT. Matino akong tao.”

Wala lang. Im just making conversations on my head. I hope one day, I could be as courageous as my sister, or superman or Annabel Rama, so I could tell them all these words. Hihihi. 

Im not suplada.

Dec 16 marked the night jam-packed with surprises and extra awesome people I newly-met. UST was filled with people of different schools wearing their best dresses and shirts. With so much beauty I saw last night, there was no doubt I enjoyed PASKUHAN 2011. As I impart to you briefly what we had been into last night, I would also like enumerate the firsts I had! 

After meeting my friends at Lacson, we decided to take our dinner at Jollibee before entering the University. And we knew we need to take in some carbs to enjoy the night as we shout, jump and head-bang in the music! :)

We giggled in laughter as we play some logic games and answer questions that make your mind go crazy! 

JB: Anong tawag sa basang basa na isda?
Kami: Ano?
JB: Edi…..HITO! Hito ako, basang-basa sa ulan. walang masisilungan~

HAHAHA.

JB: Eh ano naman tawag sa tangang isda?
Phebe: Edi yung isda na nalulunod! (Then everyone laughed so hard. Hahaha)
JB: Hindi kaya. haha edi sardinas! Ang luwang luwang ng dagat pero ngsisiksikan sila sa lata. haha
Kami: Nyenyenye. XD madami pa yan actually, haha diko na maalala yung iba

We don’t have friends from UST but we still managed to enter. Bwahaaha. Yan ang tunay na diskarte. First photo upon entering.  Jed, Chii, Ien, Leyda, Nowee, me, Vin and Niko. JB took the photo. How awful.

Without further ado, we walked as fast as we could near the stage so we could see clearly and enjoy the bands playing. 6-cycle mind was the first band we heard. And to tell you, it took us ages to reach the right spot!

Ang saya ko lang e? :)) You could see the people from behind :) LOL. Daming tao!

The only photo where we all nine are complete, though only 3/4 of JB’s face can only be seen. Hahaha.

Enjoying the night without anything bothering on our minds! =P

Of course I get tired too. Im not covering my face from a stolen shot. Im actually wiping my sweat haha

We were like so high haha. I see them exactly like this photo. 

Me and Vin- one of the ramdom-est and coolest guys you could ever talk to :)

The pretty face hehehe, Chii.

After the concert, I suggested that we take photos of us while leaning our backs on the moist grass. Cool but it took me a long time to persuade them since we don’t have anything like a piece of cloth to cover our backs! haha

Another one. hahaha we take turns for being the photographer.

This one is my favorite because my face is at the center of the star kaso fail yung itsura nung star hahaha

As we walked along the campus, we happened to meet the F4! Niko, Jed, Vin and JB hahaha and we girls desperately wanted to be the Jandi for awesome boys like them <3 LOL

There were no words than can express exactly what I truly felt that night. It was like I’ve been in heaven for the whole time, thinking no other stuffs other than pure happiness. I enjoyed their company even if the girls have never been my blockmates (except for PE class). 

I gained new friends and I hope for future invitations for events like this :) Thank you God for the night! :) Love you always.

PS Asan na yung firsts ko? hahaha wag na magugulat lang kayo :) 

In my entire life, I have two sets of friends since I am from Cagayan and I went down to Manila to study. These sets of friends are comfortable, fun and jolly to be with. I really don’t know but they simply kiss away the shits in my life. 

My first set of friends is my high school bestfriends. This is me, Bethany, Krichelle and Via. We call ourselves, HATDUGS! Haha. korny?

The first photo was our most recent photo together taken at Via’s. And the second one was taken during our prom.

I miss our everyday-lunch dates at different places. We eat a lot together, we bond almost everyday. Photo taken during Via’s 16th birthday at Pension Roma.

First day of classes in 4th year. Lunch at chowking. :)

I couldn’t imagine my high school life without them. Thank God I found adorable, smart and good-looking friends who don’t fail to cheer me up. I really can count on them. Love these pretties!

Next set are my college bestfriends. We call our group, TROPZY ft CL, representing the initials of our names combined together. They are Trixie, Rachel, JC, Benneth, Yanley, Camille and Lem. 

This was during our (me, cams and nethz) birthday bash at Shakey’s, SM Manila.

Yellowcab, Recto. JC’s treat. Sorry Yanley and Camille :(

Enchanted Kingdom! 1st year sembreak. Me, Trixie, Jc and Rachel. Benneth took the photo. Haha. Lem, cams, and Yanley weren’t able to come, sadly. 

We have the same principles, goals, and stong faith in God which keep us from breaking apart. We are bound to reach our ambitions and goals in life without putting anyone down. That’s what I like in our group. I love them so much. They understand my craziness and stupidness, even my annoying actions. :) And even if I bully them A LOT :)

Inasmuch as I have wanted to be happy, there are still things that keep me from experiencing such. But that’s life, it’s about how you handle things despite the very unpredictable circumstances. 

Very few people only know how weak I am. I may not be the silent type, I may not howl when things go wrong, but deep down inside, I feel the endless pain pricking tremendously through my heart. I don’t often show or share my pains with everyone. One reason is that I don’t want them to keep on asking about something that bothers me without even realizing that it causes me to feel in a tizzy.

I prefer friends who would sincerely ask with all concern about the problems I’m facing. I prefer the ones who would ask nothing but just merely taps my shoulder, as if saying that he sympathizes with me too. The one who earnestly hears tirelessly all my rants, blusters and foul words without saying a thing or two. The one who will understand me wholly without judging… Listening for me, is a manifestation of true friendship.

Enough about the friend thing.

It’s ironic how I am capable of advising people with the best counseling words I could ever tell without even realizing I cannot practice it with my own life. Perhaps God tells me that I cannot just depend on myself and I have to count on my friends too. That’s the main reason they were there. :) It’s a give-and-take relationship.

Yes, I am in pain right now. I just don’t tell but I have to fight it with all might and I know I can do this with God by my side. Life is a constant change and I have to deal with this in the most blissful way!